What's For Dinner Tonight?

Raw Wheat Berries That's what.

I'm grumpy and a little drunk.  Here's the scoop.  I decided that I would follow an actual recipe tonight, something I very rarely do.  I own over a dozen cookbooks, but they're more like porn rather than something that I use to cook from.  I decided to take a stab at Heidi Swanson's Risotto-Style Barley tonight.  I remembered that I had barley in my cupboard from when I went a little overboard in the bulk foods section on a trip to The Fairway.  I found the Mason Jar of grains and grinned at the recipe's beautifully airbrushed and well-lit picture-this was going to be good.

As I looked over the ingredients and decided which things I would alter and what would stay I realized that I didn't have barley in my hands, I had wheat berries.  A quick Google search later I learned that wheat berries could, in fact, be substituted for barley and I prepared my dish...

Two hours later, too many glasses of wine, an upset stomach, annoying gas, a divided recipe and wasted veggies later the fucking shit is still cooking.

I did another Google search only to discover that wheat berries, unlike barley is a tough little shit of a grain.  Not only does it require over night soaking, it also requires at least an hour an a half or two hours of cook time.  Since the first search result didn't say I needed to soak these grains overnight here I am, two hours later with no dinner and an upset/gassy tummy from eating three bites of undercooked grains.

The recipe called for two cups of barley which equals over 3 quarts of food!  I've had to divide the thing into two separate pots and I'm sure I'll be up all night with searing stomach pain and exhaustion trying to cook these grains down into something edible.  I will not throw it away, at the advice of a friend it's going to be a stew...